The majority of you voted in yesterday’s poll that Citigroup was not likely to survive the weekend as an independent entity. C’s board is meeting this weekend - and the agenda probably goes something like this:
9:oo AM: convene.
9:15 AM: openly question what is affecting Prince Alwaleed’s brain and causing him to support Vikram Bandit. Attempt to determine if it is hashish. Attempt to determine if board should inquire as to the source of his hashish and attempt to procure.
9:3o - 1o:3o AM: Vikram Bandit Happy Time Dartboard Hour
1o:3o-11:3o AM: Early lunch of macaroni and cheese provided by Dick Parsons. Print is dead. Someone suggests going to check out the End The Fed rally and gets kicked out of the room
11:45 AM: Roberto Hernández Ramírez writes up a TARP application for Banco Nacional de Mexico while everyone else plays Brickbreaker. Asks board to sign it in support
Noon-1:ooPM: Various four year olds are brought into the room to coach board on proper whine-pitch for “begging voice”
1:oo - 6:oo PM: Blackberries are reallocated from Brickbreaker to repeatedly dialing Hank Paulson’s home/cell/office/wife/dog, Neel Kashkari’s home/cell/office/wife/dog, pleading for cash
6:15 PM: Meeting ends. C. Michael Armstrong reminds everyone to pick up a NYTimes tomorrow to check out the bitchin’ full page Citi Never Sleeps ad.
Okay, they are really supposed to be discussing whether or not to sell off the business units The Bandit claims they won’t be selling off, whether or not they want to retain The Bandit as chair, or whether they are going to sell off the whole shebang. My money is, of course, on government intervention and a shareholder wipeout. Watch this space…
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